i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
