I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
not ubering you a puppy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
