hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
