I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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