Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
MIDGETS
????
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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