There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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