So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
