you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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