he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had to coat check the pizza.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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