does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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