I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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