Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
