My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
