Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
