I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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