1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
