Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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