you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
