I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
