I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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