Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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