I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
