I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
