So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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