HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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