I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
