sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
