Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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