Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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