Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
