McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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