I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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