You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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