ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
