I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
