I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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