Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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