They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
