I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
