i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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