please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
