the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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