Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
