so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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