the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
