OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The Olympian is in my bed
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