Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
