you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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