I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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