my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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