so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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