I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
