Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
should my penis look like a turkey
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
