Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
