I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
are you so shy because you have an std?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
