you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
